十三
枪炮声终于停止了,爆炸留下的化学烟雾和尸体灼烧的焦熟气味混杂在一起,侵袭着坂田银时的鼻腔。战争结束了。我还活着。他挣扎着爬起来,才意识到自己一直靠着的,是被难辨敌我的尸体堆成的小山丘——到处都是残缺的尸骸,到处都是粘稠的鲜血。他艰难地迈开脚步,在这地狱般的惨境中寻找着一个人的身影。
“假发!假发!你在哪里?”
坂田银时一边喊一边走,一边在尸堆里翻找,黑头发、绿衣裳、中等偏瘦的身材……他一面渴望下一个翻到的人就是桂小太郎,一面又害怕下一个翻到的人是他。他就这么一路喊,一路走,头顶的天一片昏暗,分不清是黎明将至,还是黑夜降临——这些他已经不在乎,此刻的他的心里只有两点光亮,来自一双明亮的真诚的黑褐色眼睛,那双自从他见过,就再也无法转移视线的眼睛。
终于,在一条小溪——如果被成堆的尸体堵截了水流的河道还能够称得上小溪的话——边上,银时发现了桂小太郎。他用尽全力奔向他,而当他终于看清自己最好的朋友、同志、爱人的境况时,他身体的肌肉僵硬了——躺在河滩上的桂双眼紧闭,白皙的脸颊因为失血过多显得格外阴沉,身下的鹅卵石已经被鲜血染得鲜红,而染料的源头——他的左腰被弹片削去了一整块肉,破损的器官暴露在空气中,已开始发出阵阵恶臭。
“假发!”坂田银时蹲在桂的身边,抱起他被炮弹打穿的上半身,“假发!醒醒!我这就带你回去!医生……医生他一定有办法……你不会死的……你是不会那么容易就死掉的……假发……”
银时的声音越来越沙哑,他的肩膀和手指颤抖着,手臂间的桂却始终不为所动。第一次,桂小太郎是如此无情,只是静静地躺着,任由他最好的朋友、同志、爱人滚烫的眼泪洒落自己的脸颊、头发、肩头,发出一声声悲恸而绝望的呼喊。
“假发……假发……假发!”
仿佛一道电流穿过自己的脊柱,坂田银时猛地睁开了眼睛,又被天花板上的白炽灯照耀得立刻闭上双眼。还好是梦。他心有余悸地想。努力适应了一番后,他再一次缓慢打开眼皮,终于看清了周围的陈设——他正躺在医院的病房里。然而,与意识一同恢复的疲惫感和顶灯的刺眼白光又让他的眼皮出于自我保护的原因合上了。
“他醒了,去叫坂本先生!”一个女声在银时的耳边响起,随之而来的是脚步声,病房门打开又合上的声音,又过了一会儿,两对脚步声由远及近,最终停在病房中。银时再度睁开了眼睛,顶着一头乌黑卷发的青年站在病床前向他问好:“Kintoki,你醒了!”
坂田银时叹了一口气,说:“我也算是往鬼门关走了一道回来,好歹叫对我的名字啊。”他从床上坐起来,挠了挠自己的银白色卷发,“现在这是在哪儿?”
“土佐。这是我家持股的医院。”坂本辰马很自然地说道。银时的嘴角不自然地抽搐着,说:“你果然是个少爷……这么说来,我们是成功转移了?”
“是的。部队、物资、装备,你和大家,现在都在这里。”目前是这样。坂本想了想,并没有把这句话说出口。
“假发呢?我记得我是和他一起回营地的,他在哪儿?”银时四下张望,然而这间双人病房中的另一张床上,却只有一张没有床单的床垫。
“他……”坂本努力控制着声线里的颤抖,“你……想见他吗?”
“当然。”银时眨了眨眼睛,他注意到,坂本垂在裤管两侧的手攥成了拳头又很快放开,最终,他抬起显得有些沉重的眉头,对银时说: “好,我带你去见他。”
坂田银时皱着眉跟在坂本身后半步,他要带我去什么地方?假发到底怎么了?他在脑海里努力翻找着苏醒前的回忆——他和桂最终从空无一人的战场上醒来,互相搀扶着回到事先约好的联络点。他们上了一辆救护车,桂把车上唯一一个氧气面罩给了他,桂看起来精神不错,还嘲笑了他被炮弹扬起的灰尘染黑的头发。“像脏脏包。”他一面说,一面靠着座椅靠背咯咯地笑。“闭嘴,假发,你好吵。”他用能发出的最大声音朝他嚷道,然后便昏昏沉沉地睡去,桂的笑声始终在他的耳边盘旋着,盘旋着,彷佛永远也不会停下一样……
银时正想着,前方的坂本在一扇门前停了下来,说:“这里。”
坂本辰马打开门,坂田银时走进了病房,眼前的情景让他的身体彷佛灌铅了一般,将他直直钉在地板上——桂的身体上连满了导管,身旁的仪器发出规律而机械的声音。银时强迫自己看向那些屏幕,期望能从那一堆冰冷的数字中读出一些有用的信息。
“你到医院后不久,他开始陷入昏迷,抢救过程中心肺功能一度停止,两小时前才出的手术室,现在还在观察中。”坂本的声音意外地轻,像害怕惊动了什么。
银时的手指抽动着,牵着心脏跳得生疼。为什么会是这个样子?事情不该是这个样子!为什么?他当时还在朝我笑……他拖着两只脚走到桂的床前,指尖抚上他正插着留置针管的细瘦手背,白炽灯下,桂的脸色显得异常苍白,平时总是带着桃红色的嘴唇此刻也因脱水而龟裂,失去了原本的光泽。他的上半身裸露着,一块巨大的绷带遮住了他的整个胸腔,看不出呼吸的节奏,唯有用从绷带中伸出的几根导线连接的显示屏,机械着重复着他的生命体征。
“我们封锁了消息——现在只有军事会议的核心成员知道这件事。”
坂本是对的,桂小太郎是这只军队真正的统帅,一旦失去他的统筹,毫无疑问,他们的武装势力会迅速土崩瓦解,他们这两年多来的努力将会彻底徒劳无功——他们的老师还被囚禁在都城,即将被处斩,他们的同学、战友已经白白牺牲,他将再次回到一无所有,回到漂泊无依的世界之中。最终你还是什么承诺也没守住,什么也没能保护得了……了解到这一点后,银时的脊背开始发凉,他一屁股坐到床前的椅子上,木然地看着静静躺着的桂,彷佛自己才是那个半只脚跨在黄泉路上的人。坂本又说了些什么,然而此时的坂田银时已经什么也听不见了。直到坂本辰马将手搭上他的肩膀,才将他的思绪拉回到现实中来。
“走吧。”坂本说道。然而,银时却摇了摇头,说:“我还想再呆一会儿。”
坂本没有再说什么,只是理解地点了点头。紧接着,又补充道:“我知道你在想什么,但——无论如何,这都不是你的错。你和他一起战斗到了最后,保护他到了最后,把他带回到司令部,你做了所有能做的事。”
“我……”银时开口了,他的声音颤抖而沙哑,“我对他说的最后一句话是‘你好吵’……”
坂本辰马还想说点什么,但最终没有开口,只是意味深长地捏了捏银时的肩膀,然后走出了病房。
坂田银时做了很多梦,关于自己、关于老师、关于桂——鼻尖上的樱花、田埂边的青草、屋檐下的雨帘、清风中的书页……他似乎在和谁争吵、和谁打闹,又和谁开着永不疲倦的玩笑。真好啊,好希望永远就这样,憧憬、理想、同伴永远都在身边,时间永远不流逝,美好永远不消散……
“银时,银时!”感到一双冰凉的手轻轻拍打着自己的脸,银时一把抓住这双手,含糊而激动地说:“假发,你醒了!”而当他看清这双手的主人后,眼睛里的光又黯淡了下去。他扭头望向另一侧,桂仍然保持他昨天睡着前的姿态,只是嘴唇的干裂缓解了一些——这大概要归功于昨晚银时给他用棉球喂了一些水,除此之外,他看上去并没有明显的好转。
“你一整晚都在这里?”坂本盯着银时被床单印出几条横线的脸颊。不等他回答,坂本拍了拍他的后背,说:“天都亮了。去吃点东西吧,这里我来看着。”银时本能地想拒绝,但他开始阵痛的胃和干涩的喉咙已不再允许他拒绝。于是他站起来,将病床前的椅子让给了坂本辰马。
转动病房门把手的一刹那,银时的脑海里忽然闪过一个身影——对了,高杉呢?怎么一直不见他?难道还在发烧吗? 昨晚一整夜的时间,都不见他来看他,简直有些不正常……坂田银时一边想着,一边走出病房。当他抬头正准备向楼梯间走去时,他看到了自己疑问的答案——高杉晋助正站在走廊尽头,一双绿眼睛携着凛冽的寒光射向他,咬牙切齿地说道。
“你好呀,银时。”
住院部大楼后院的草坪上,高杉晋助和坂田银时隔着一段距离,面对面地对峙着。
“你什么时候到病房的?”银时先开口问道。
“这与你无关。”高杉毫不客气地停止了这个话题,语气中带着讽刺,说:“我只是不理解,明明这就是你造成的结果,你是怀着怎样的心情守在那个人身边的?”
没有回答。坂田银时只是低着头沉默着,这样的回应让高杉晋助更加愤怒,他开始朝他咆哮道:“你!你这个混蛋!你是怎么向老师保证的?”高杉攥紧的拳头仿佛能拧出水来,他上前一步,揪着他的衣领,“你会保护大家,保护他,用任何方式!”
说罢,高杉一记下勾拳朝他的下颚袭来,银时没有做任何防御,只是任由高杉的拳头将自己打倒在地,将自己紧紧按在地上,一拳、两拳、三拳……高杉似乎用了很大的力气,但自己却丝毫感受不到疼痛,反而从心底感到一股游丝般的解脱——仿佛这正是现在的他最想对自己做的事。
周围的声音变得喧闹起来,人群似乎在朝他们聚集,有一些声音在劝高杉住手,但他并没有住手,拳头仍然像雨点一样落在银时的脸上、身上……直到一个熟悉的洪亮的声音响起,高杉晋助才终于停了下来。
“高杉,住手。这不该是银时的错。”坂本辰马用唯一一只使得上力的手拉住高杉晋助的右手腕, 后者转过头来,恶狠狠地盯住坂本,他咬紧的牙关彷佛能碾碎一切,从牙缝中朝漏出一些音节:“放手,坂本。”
然而,坂本并没有放松他的力道,继续说道:“假发醒了,他在找你们。”
“我猜这扇门在设计时并没有考虑到会有三个强壮青年并排进来的情况。”
桂躺在摇起来一些角度的病床上,望向几乎是挤进病房的三个人。他看上去仍然很虚弱,整个上半身无力地靠在枕头上。尽管仍然有一些意识不清,他仍努力打起精神,试图向三人开着玩笑。高杉甩开银时,一个箭步上前,当他一手扶着病床的护栏正准备俯下身时,坂本在他身后大叫道:“绷带!假发的胸口上全是绷带!”最终,他只好将伸出的手掌往上移动,替桂将一缕略显凌乱的头发掖到他的耳后。桂的脸颊有些泛红,他连忙错开高杉望向自己的视线,问道:“高杉,你的发烧好点了吗?”
高杉轻轻地点点头,“嗯”了一声。
“谢天谢地,假发,你总算醒了!这下两条生命都得救了!”坂本中气浓厚的声音在病房中回荡,他用眼神示意假发看向门口的另一个人——银时正试图用袖子擦去嘴角的血渍,而当桂注意到他的小动作时,立刻明白之前发生了什么。只是现在的他并不确定,高杉愤怒的原因是一个,还是两个。然而,这暂时不是当下最紧急的事,现在的桂最想做的事是——
“银时,你可以过来吗?”
坂田银时按照桂的要求,拉了一张椅子坐到他的床前,旁边挨着高杉,后者的脸上划过一瞬的不满,最终仍侧过身,为银时腾出必要的空间。桂努力抬起尚且没有太多力气的手臂,手指轻轻碰上银时的手掌,说道:“银时,如果没有你,我现在可能已经死了。谢谢你保护了我,保护了大家,再一次。”
“你……”银时有千言万语堵在喉头,他想问候他,也想感谢他,更想把过去的十小时里每一秒的挣扎与懊恼一一向他细数,然而,最终,他只是瘪着嘴,说:“你当时……不应该把氧气面罩给我……”
“我这不好好地吗?躺在床上,什么事也不用做、不用想,还能支使我的三个好朋友帮我跑腿买便当,我已经幸福地不想下床了。”
“假发……”
桂的手眼看就要支撑不住地往下滑,银时见状,一把紧握住他的手,将他的五指捏得生疼。然而,桂并没有拒绝这样的力量,现在的他,需要一些额外的力量向他确认生命的存在。感受到来自银时指尖的颤抖,桂小太郎抬头看向他,后者却将脸别向一边,将表情藏在刘海之下。桂温柔地看着他,嘴角翘起一些角度,他重新靠回枕头上,闭上眼睛,说:“好了。不要哭了。”
“我没哭。”银时努力稳住自己的声线,肩膀却止不住地颤抖,“是穿少了,站在外面被风吹的。”
“啊哈哈哈哈!你们三个终于又重归于好了!我好高兴!”坂本不知什么时候站到了银时和高杉中间,分别用两只手臂勾上两人的肩膀,“不过,好朋友就是这样,一路吵吵闹闹,最终还是要回到彼此身边的嘛!”
“别说这么肉麻的话!”
听到高杉和银时异口同声的回答,桂终于忍不住咯咯地笑起来。但很快,他就后悔了。
“嘶——伤口……”桂小太郎一面笑,一面按着胸腔上的绷带,快乐而艰难地说道。
桂小太郎在重症病房里又呆了三天,以确保他的身体确实无碍。坂本和银时交替守在他身边,有时高杉也会来看他,这时的桂就能一边吃橘子一边欣赏一些即兴漫才现场表演。第四天早上,医生终于宣布桂脱离危险,可以转入普通病房,高杉和银时的表情瞬时明亮了许多。
“那么,我也可以出去走走了?”桂向医生询问道,得到肯定的答复后,坂本一反常态地抢先道:“假发,我带你去看看后院的梅花?”桂看向坂本,他的眼里闪烁着不稳定的光,于是,他向坂本点头道:“正好,上回你给我介绍的医院的花猫,我也想去看看。”说罢,他扭头向因为被抛下而面露不满的高杉和银时说:“你们俩可别又打起来了。”而高杉却露出一个诡谲的笑,说道。
“那不会,我们一定会好好相处的。”
桂小太郎和坂本辰马走进医院花园的草坪,虽然已经是冬天,但因为出了些太阳的缘故,一些人在不远处三两结伴地走着。桂自己走了一段路,感到有一些疲惫,于是便和坂本在草坪的长凳上坐了下来。
“你有话要对我说吧。”桂先开了口,这让坂本有一些惊讶,但很快他便冷静下来,说:“不愧是你,什么也瞒不过你的眼睛。”
“是好消息吗?”面对桂的试探,坂本有一些迟疑,他不知道该如何向他解释——也许这并不会影响整件事的结局,但坂本并不希望桂误解他这样做的原因。于是,他只好鼓起勇气,坦诚地答道:“恐怕不是。”
“噢。”桂若有所思地点点头,然后说:“如果你不介意,我还是希望你能告诉我——无论如何,我希望我们之间始终能够保证对彼此的坦诚。”
“我……”坂本放在膝盖上的手指抓住裤子的布料,深吸一口气,说:“我决定退出战场。”
之后,谁也没有再说话。冰凉的海风携着沉默在两人之间盘旋,最终,还是桂打破了沉默。
“没关系,我能理解。事到如今,我们已经承蒙你关照太多,你不用感到抱歉。”桂有些沉重地笑了笑,坂本转过身,拉起桂的双手,说:“不,不是你想的那样——我最不希望你这样想。这是我家的领地,你们可以想呆多久就呆多久,我保证不会有人为难你们。我希望你能明白,我并不是因为看不到获胜的希望而离开,而是为了去争取能让你们都活到胜利那一天的希望……假发,”坂本有些苦涩地笑道,“我其实是一个讨厌流血牺牲的人。我当初加入战争,是因为不想让你去送死。我现在离开,也是因为不想让你,让大家去送死。所以,我要去宇宙中,寻找不用牺牲那么多的生命也能获得胜利的办法……”
“辰马……”桂握住坂本的手,“你是我见过视野最高远,胸怀最广阔的人。如果是你的话,一定可以找到这样的路。你就按照你的方式继续走下去吧,我们不会分别,总有一天,我们的路会再次重叠的。”
坂本的手臂紧紧环住桂的身体,他的侧颈感受着桂的脸颊的温度,手掌轻柔地摩挲着桂的后背,在他视线的终点,两只小鸟在一根树枝上短暂停留,又轻盈地朝不同的方向飞去。终于,坂本用尽量轻松的语气,小心翼翼地问出那个藏在他心底的问题:“那么——要是我们不用分开,你跟我一起去宇宙,怎么样呢?”
桂的沉默给了坂本答案。正如意料之中的遗憾,他从口腔中吐出一口气,拍了拍桂的后背,笑道:“啊哈哈哈哈,我想也是这样!你是不会放弃你的责任的!”
“不止是责任,”桂抬头,一双明亮的黑眼睛看向坂本,“还有眷恋,和理想。”
“我明白了。”爽朗的笑容再次出现在坂本的脸上,“你也按照你的方式走下去吧,我会带可爱的宇宙生物给你的。” “最好是毛茸茸、软绵绵的。”
“嗯,一定是毛茸茸、软绵绵的。”
两人在长凳上维持着拥抱的姿势,坂本将手指伸进桂乌黑柔顺的头发里,想努力记住此刻指间的触感。过了一会儿,他像想起了什么,又开口道。
“其实,之前,我有邀请过银时……”说完,坂本有一些紧张,而桂却彷佛没有感到丝毫诧异,依然稳稳当当地枕在坂本肩头,轻声问:“他怎么说?”
“他睡着了。”坂本感到肩膀上的桂发出了“噗“的一声,说道:“我想,他大概是个更适合脚踩在土地上的人吧。”
“那是因为土地上有他深深眷恋的人吧。”出于相同的原因,却选择了截然不同的道路,人真是一种奇怪的生物啊。坂本辰马抚着桂的后背,若有所思地望向头顶散发着苍白冷光的太阳。
与坂本和桂之间的和谐氛围不同,住院部大楼的另一边,一场针锋相对的谈话在高杉和银时之间进行着。
谁也没有特意邀请对方——这两个人都不是能坦然说出“我们谈谈”的那一类人——对话是在两人并排走下楼梯时自然而然开始的。一开始只是一些日常的斗嘴,不知从什么时候起,话锋渐渐变得犀利起来,终于,在走出医院大门时,高杉站在银时身后半步,朝他说道。
“为什么……为什么无论什么事,你总是要挡在我前面?”
“喂,这么说可不公平!你才是在大合照时抢了我C位的那个人好吧。”银时扭过头来说道,高杉从鼻腔里“哼”了一声,回道:“明明是你为了吸引谁的关注非要靠在门框装酷,少装了,你的那点心思我都明白——你对假发的那点事,我都知道。”
“噢,你自己的那点事呢?”银时毫不客气地回敬道:“你对他那么执着的原因……不光是因为他吧?见过松阳和假发的人都说,他们俩就像是一个模子刻出来的一样——别以为我不知道你上课时都在看向哪儿,变态。”
高杉意外地没有反驳,也没有被激怒,只是发出了一声自嘲的嗤笑,说:“我想,假发他可能从一开始就知道。但是,他最终还是接受了我——他是个温柔的人。”
“你……”这一回轮到银时惊讶了,“你俩这都什么古怪的嗜好……”高杉并没有正面回应银时,而是接着说下去:“既然如此,作为回报,我想我也应该接受假发的选择。”高杉扭过头来,锐利的视线射向银时的眼睛,问道:“银时,我问你,你爱松阳老师吗?”
“什么?”银时被高杉的问题搞得一头雾水,见状,高杉又重复了一遍问题,让银时明白——他是认真的。于是,银时点点头,答道:“爱。但不是你的那一种爱,变态。”
“那假发呢?”
“什么?”
“我问你,你爱假发吗?”
“爱。”
“那么,是我的那一种爱吗?”
“……是。”坂田银时点头的那一刻,感到自己的脸烫得已经可以煮熟一颗鸡蛋。
得到银时的答案后,高杉的嘴角不经意地翘起一个角度,他在银时身前停下来,说:“我是爱老师,但我也爱假发。银时,如果我们可以因为对松阳老师抱有相同的爱而平等地呆在他身边,也许也可以因为对假发抱有相同的爱而平等地呆在他的身边。”
“你是说,我,你,和假发,一起,在一起?”银时感到此刻的他的语言能力正在急剧退化,“WOW……这个……这么大的事,是不是得去问问人家的意思啊?”
“那是当然。”高杉又笑了一声,然后用有一些神秘的语气说:“噢,对了,你知道吗,银时。有时候,假发会在梦里叫你的名字。”
军队在土佐继续停留了一个星期,整顿编制、补充兵源、清点军备,借助坂本留下的舰船,全军得以走海路继续向东北的都城进发。这一回,他们绕开了天人和幕府联军的部队,选择夜晚行军,终于在第一朵春樱盛开前渡过大阪湾,登上了近畿的陆地。
攻城时间定在凌晨三点,桂正在为五小时后的决战做最后的检阅,这不仅是决定胜负的一仗,更是决定他们共同深深敬爱的老师生死的一仗。为了这场胜算未知,却绝不能输的战争,桂全身上下的每一根发条都拧到了最紧。
最后一场军事会议结束了。会场只剩下桂小太郎、坂田银时,和高杉晋助。
“抓紧时间休息吧,眼前就是决战了。”桂望向他面前的,他的同学、同僚、同侪,“银时,高杉,我在很小的时候就失去了一切。但是——感谢老师,是他让我看到了更广阔的世界,还结识了你们,我永远的朋友、同志——”
“和爱人。”高杉和银时互相对视,露出小时候恶作剧得逞时的得意神情,异口同声地补充道。
桂显然没有料到当下的情形,他瞪圆的眼睛像一只被车灯照见的鹿。见桂好一会儿没有反应,高杉上前一步,拉起桂的手,说:“其实,我和银时做了一个决定。”
“虽然过程有一些艰难,但最终是达成了一致。”银时拉起桂的另一只手,朝他露出顽皮的笑。
“既然你说过永远不会离开我们,所以我们决定——我们谁也不会放弃你,你也就不用烦恼到底应该怎么选。”
“我们会一直在你身边,一直保护你。”
桂小太郎的脑回路终于重新通了电,很快,他便明白过来两人话中的意思。从那个知了在头顶叽叽喳喳的夏天,那个行灯的灰烬在空中飘散的夜晚起,命运之绳就将他们紧紧捆在一起,桂想不出还有什么别的东西可以让他放弃眼前的两个人,他相信,这两个人也和他拥有同样的信念。桂双手使力,将两个人拉得更近一些,他的双手环住两人的脖颈,三个人的头贴在一起。
“银时,晋助,你们都是我生命中最重要的人。无论今后遇到怎样的障碍,只要我们的心连着彼此,都一定可以跨越。相信我,以后无论遭遇什么、发生什么,我们的路一定都是相连的——没有任何事能够把我们分开,生死也不能。”
三年,从松下村塾到天子的都城,这路程是那么短,却又是那么长。去吧,老师就在前方,同伴还在身旁,憧憬、理想、志向都还在手中。三个青年互相对望,举起手中的剑指向身前的城门,昂首挺胸,走入了属于自己的命运。
第二部 完
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